Please, I’m Begging You, Neuter your Dogs!

I’m beginning to believe that the people who refuse to neuter their dogs are the same people who hang fake testicles off the back of their jacked off pickup trucks. The same people that tucked their emotional coping mechanisms as far back in their sock drawer as they could, tucked under the Hot Rod and Hustler magazines that proved they were men. The same people who say “boys will be boys”. The same people who push their insecurities about their manhood onto animals who legitimately don’t give a flying fuck.

This might all come off as a little harsh to some, but I’m assuming it’s because there’s a pair off rubber nuts hanging off your modified Subaru Legacy. But what am I supposed to assume when I hear excuses like “he’ll feel like less of a man,” “he’ll never get to experience his biological drive”, “he’ll miss out on what it’s means to be a dog,” and my absolute favorite, “I couldn’t deprive him the chance to *cough cough* get it on.”

Please, for christ sake, take your insecurities and shove them.

I recently heard that it’s only important to spay the female dog. First off, STOP POLICING FEMALE BODIES! Second, a spay surgery involves a full removal of the female reproductive system. A full hysterectomy. All of it. For a male, it involves a half inch incision and super glue to seal the wound. So not only are you insecure about your manhood, but you’re willing to put an animal through a major surgery to avoid getting the most basic procedure done?

But let’s say no one is altered. A female can only have one litter at a time. A male, meanwhile, can turkey baste the entire neighborhood in an afternoon and come back for more once all the puppies arrive. Also, did you know that litters can have multiple dads? Yea, that means that each un-neutered male dog can take a step through the revolving door and take its’ turn. Did you also know that a dog’s sperm will camp out in the female for up to 3 weeks waiting for the opportunity to make a puppy? No, that female doesn’t have to be in heat right now and IT CAN STILL GET PREGNANT!

Takes a deep inhale. I can tell you’re riled. So, let’s take a second and back track. Truth be told, there’s a lot of science that says a dog should stay intact until it is fully developed. And there is merit to that. A Great Dane can benefit from the increased testosterone when growing, and goodness knows that a dog the size of a small horse can use all the help it an get. But once it reaches physical maturity around 18 months, why wouldn’t you fix your damn dog? Right, your breeder says you can’t. You found yourself bound by a contract that says you either A) have to wait until X months have passed before you can get your dog fixed, or B) you won’t be able to fix them at all. Breeders will tell you to wait longer and spin misleading science because they depend on your dog to be a sperm bank for more litters, litters that line their pockets. It doesn’t benefit them to encourage responsible spay and neuter practices. For them, more dogs means more money.

I genuinely feel bad for people who find their hands tied due to either purchase or adoption contracts. I’ve had several clients tied by these, and I watch helplessly as their dogs have needless hormones pumping through their bodies and effecting their behavior.

Unfortunately, I also see lot’s of pet owners who are not bound by contractual obligation who simply choose not to alter their animals. They impose human emotions onto an animal who cannot possibly comprehend the difference between being intact or not. You feel bad, but the truth is, they won’t.

According to statistics from the ASPCA, 670,000 companion canines are put down every year in the US. By not neutering your dog, you are contributing to a never ending cycle of overflowing shelters and needless euthanizing of healthy, adoptable animals.

I don’t care how loud your muffler is, how jacked up your Jeep is or the circumference of your bicep. I don’t care how you choose to cope with the embarrassment that dangles between your thighs on a daily basis.

I care about the helpless animals that are crying out in shelters because you aren’t responsible enough to help them. Be a good pet owner and, PLEASE, neuter your dogs.